Speed of your motorcycle on different stages of your life

Speed of your motorcycle on different stages of your life:
no girlfriend: 70-80 kmph
yes girlfriend: 50-60 kmph
after engagement: 40-50 kmph
after marriage: 30-40 kmph
after having kids: 20-30 kmph

Generous lawyer

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem! You'll love my place, the grass is at least two feet tall!"

Apples, Chocolates

At the local Catholic school the students were lined up by the cafeteria. Behind the head nun there were alot of apples, and the nun said "Please take ONE, God is watching."
A couple of tables over there was a pile of chocolate chip cookies with a note written by a kid that said, "Take as many as you want, God is watching the apples."

Manners, shut up and trouble

There were three boys named Manners, Shut up and Trouble.
One day, the boys decide to play hide-and-seek. Trouble is on. Manners goes and hides in a tree and Shut up goes and hides in a trash can.
At that moment, a policeman comes up to the trash can to throw away a banana peel. He opens the lid, only to find a boy in there.

The policeman asks, " What are you doing in there, boy?"
Shut up replies, "Playing hide-and-seek, sir."
Intrigued, the policeman asks,"What's your name, boy?"
"Shut up."
"Where are your manners, boy?!"
"Manners is up the tree."
"Boy, are you looking for trouble???"
"No sir, Trouble is looking for me!"

oneliners

Twitter has been great source for oneliners for me. I really love them. Here are some for you all to enjoy:

Man comes home from work & tells his wife: i fired the truck driver Bcuz he allmost ran me over WIFE: i think u should give him 1more Chance

Met my bank manager today. He asked me the quickest way to hospital, so I pushed him in the path of a passing ambulance.

My wife has just delivered twin boys and let me name them.From her reaction, I'm guessing Pete and Repeat wasn't the best choice.

I've noticed, if you're scared of spiders they always turn up in your bedroom. Using that logic.. I'm scared of blonde girls with big boobs

My wife said whatever i get her for her birthday, she will wear. so i'm buying her nothing, it's a win-win situation.

Lego turns 50

How many of you had lego toys in your childhood? I never had one. I guess my parents couldn't afford it. Our children are more fortunate as we can afford a lego set for them. I do hope that it gives their brain a good exercise.

Well, good news is that I learnt about it later also but have a brain for that. Lego turned 50 yesterday. For people who have closely following lego, here is a link (and a picture) to depict the timeline of lego.

http://gizmodo.com/349509/lego-brick-timeline-50-years-of-building-frenzy-and-curiosities

Mahabharat should be re-written

In some remote village of India, one masterji is
teaching the

Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.

He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji:
"Kansa heard the

akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill
him.

He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki
behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...


Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain
peak. Third one is born."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts
up his hand.

Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)


Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt
in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's child
was going to kill him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME
CELL ??

Masterji fainted............