Wednesday, April 18, 2007

One more Joke about Maoists

This is another news I got about the Maoists of Nepal. This news is quite funny. I think its high time the Maoists looked within themselves and evaluated their motives and their mission.

Police take into control Prachanda’s vehicle

Police on Tuesday took a jeep used by the Maoist supremo Prachanda under control after businessman Raju Shrestha claimed that the vehicle belonged to him.

Superintendent of Police, Dhak Bahadur Karki confirmed that police seized the vehicle, adding, “The vehicle is in Kathmandu District Police Office, Hanumandhoka. We will hand it over to the person who comes with legal document.”

The Nissan jeep with plate number Ba 5 Pa 1718 was in the parking area of Hotel Ashoka at Bagbazaar when Shrestha, a resident of Budhanilkantha, claimed that the jeep belonged to him and it was stolen. He then got into it and started the vehicle using the spare key he still retained.

But Maoist cadres surrounded the vehicle before Raju could drive away. As a scuffle ensued between Shrestha and Maoist cadres, police arrived at the scene and seized the vehicle.

Shrestha said the Maoists abducted him and forcefully took away the vehicle including some valuables on October 19, 2006. He also said the real number plate of the vehicle was Ba 5 Cha 1718.

Maoist Central leader Ananta said the Maoists were planning to return the vehicle on Wednesday.

“We told Shrestha to come to the police office with sufficient official documents. We will hand over the jeep to the “actual owner” after an investigation,” SP Karki added.

It is said that the jeep is normally used to ferry top Maoist leaders, including Prachanda. pb Apr 18 07

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Unusual Scholarships

Scholarship for Left-Handed Students
The only scholarship for left-handed students is the Frederick and Mary F. Beckley Scholarship of up to $1,000. This scholarship is awarded to left-handed students who will be attending Juniata College. This scholarship is only available to students who are enrolled at Juniata College. For more information, write to Office of Student Financial Planning, Juniata College, 1700 Moore Street, Huntington, PA 16652.

Duck Brand Duct Tape Stuck at Prom Contest
The Duck Brand Duct Tape Stuck on Prom Contest is open to students age 14 years or older who are attending a high school prom in the spring. US citizenship is required. Entrants must enter as a couple (two individuals) and attend a high school prom wearing complete attire or accessories made from duct tape. The submission must include a color photograph of the couple together in prom attire. The first place prize consists of a $3,000 scholarship for each member of the winning couple and a $3,000 cash prize to the school that hosted the prom. Other prizes include $2,000 for second place, $1,000 for third, and Duck Tape sportswear for honorable mentions. The winning couple will be selected based on a variety of criteria, including originality, workmanship, quantity of Duck Tape used, use of colors, and creative use of accessories. The Duck Tape contest web site includes photographs of the winning costumes.

(For more information:

Scholar Athlete Milk Mustache of the Year (SAMMY) Award
The Scholar Athlete Milk Mustache of the Year (SAMMY) Award is open to graduating high school senior scholar athletes. Candidates must demonstrate excellence in academics, athletic performance, leadership and community service. Candidates must also be a resident of one of the 48 contiguous states or the District of Columbia. There will be one scholarship of $7,500 awarded to each of 25 regional winners. The deadline is in early March. The web site includes photographs of previous winners with their milk mustaches.

SPAACSE Scholarships
The Society of Performers, Artists, Athletes and Celebrities for Space Exploration, Inc. (SPAACSE) offers two $1,000 scholarships.

* The SPAACSE Galaxy Music Scholarship is available to graduating high school seniors who are pursuing an interest in space music as a means of expressing the beauty and inspiration of the universe. The music submission must be recorded on either a cassette or CD and should be 4-6 minutes in length.

* The SPAACSE Liliane Webb Art Scholarship is open to graduating high school seniors who have an interest in space art. Candidates must provide an original two-dimensional space artwork to be considered for this award. Candidates must also include a 1-2 page description of prior artistic and other school activities and awards.

Students for Organ Donation Youth Leadership Award
The Students for Organ Donation Youth Leadership Award is available to full-time high school or undergraduate college students. One or two $500 to $1,000 scholarships will be awarded. Candidates must have made a commitment to raising awareness of organ donation and transplantation. Selection is based on effectiveness, leadership, creativity and sustainability of efforts. Applications may be based either on a report of previous events that have successfully raised organ donation awareness, or a detailed and realistic plan to raise donor awareness. (Receipt of the award is contingent upon confirmed execution of the plan.) The deadline is May 31.

LaFontaine Aquatic Entomology Award
The LaFontaine Aquatic Entomology Award is available to graduate students conducting a research project in aquatic entomology. The award amount is $500.

AACT National Candy Technologists Scholarship
The American Association of Candy Technologists (AACT) sponsors an annual $5,000 scholarship for college freshmen, sophomores and juniors (for use in the next academic year) who have demonstrated an interest in confectionary technology. Candidates should be attending an accredited, four-year college or university in North America, be majoring in food science, chemical science, biological science or related area, and have a GPA of 3.0 on a 4.0 scale. The deadline is March 31.

Collegiate Inventors Competition
Sponsored by the National Inventors Hall of Fame, the Collegiate Inventors Competition (previously known as the BFGoodrich Collegiate Inventors Program) seeks to encourage undergraduate and graduate students to pursue new ideas, processes and technological innovations. The invention must have been reduced to practice and patentable. It may not have been made available to the public as a commercial product or process or been patented or published more than one year prior to the date of submission to the competition. Submissions are judged on originality and inventiveness, as well as on their potential value to society (socially, environmentally, and economically), and on the range or scope of use. Up to four students may work together as a team, but only one prize will be awarded per entry. The grand prize winner receives $25,000. There is also one Graduate Collegiate Inventors Competition prize of $15,000 and one Undergraduate Collegiate Inventors Competition prize of $10,000. The deadline is June 1. For more information, write to The Collegiate Inventors Competition, c/o The National Inventors Hall of Fame, 221 S. Broadway Street, Akron, Ohio 44308-1505.

Illustrators of the Future Contest
The Illustrators of the Future Contest is open to artists from all nations. An entry consists of three black and white works illustrating a science fiction or fantasy story with no recurring theme. Entries may not have been previously published. The award is up to $4,000. Additional information can be found on the web site.

Ayn Rand Institute Essay Contests
The Ayn Rand Institute sponsors several essay contests.

* The Anthem Essay Contest is open to high school freshmen and sophomores. It provides annual cash awards for short, original, unpublished essays on the philosophic themes in Ayn Rand's novel, Anthem. The first prize is $2,000. There are three 2nd prizes of $500 and five 3rd prizes of $200. There are a total of 229 awards. The deadline is in mid-March.
* The Fountainhead Essay Contest is open to high school juniors and seniors. It provides annual cash awards for short, original, unpublished essays on the philosophic themes in Ayn Rand's novel, The Fountainhead. The first prize is $10,000. There are five 2nd place prizes of $2,000 and ten 3rd place prizes of $1,000. There are a total of 244 awards. The deadline is in mid-April.
* The Atlas Shrugged Essay Contest is open to all college students. It provides annual cash awards for short, original, unpublished essays on the philosophic themes in Ayn Rand's novel, Atlas Shrugged. The first prize is $5,000. There are three 2nd prizes of $1,000 and five 3rd prizes of $400. There are a total of 49 awards. The deadline is in mid-September.

Essay topics and other information about these contests can be found at For more information, send email to

Little People of America Scholarship
The Little People of America (LPA) association offers the LPA Scholarship for members of its organization. LPA is a nonprofit organization that provides information and support to people of short stature and their families. Membership is offered to people who are 4'10" or less in height. The deadline for the LPA Scholarship is April 1.

LPA was founded by Billy Barty, the 3'9" actor who starred in Rumplestiltskin and Willow. The Billy Barty Foundation also sponsors a scholarship for college students who have a medical form of dwarfism.

Tall Clubs International (TCI) Scholarship
Tall Clubs International (TCI) offers a $1,000 scholarship for tall people, the Kae Sumner Einfeldt Scholarship. Individual chapters may also offer local awards. Women who are at least 5'10" and men who are at least 6'2" are eligible for the award. Candidates must be under 21 years old and plan to attend college in the fall.

New England Chapter of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance
The New England Chapter of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance offers a $500 scholarship for high school seniors who are obese. For more information, write to NEC-NAAFA, PO Box 51820, Boston, MA 02205-1820 or call 1-781-98-NAAFA.

National Make It Yourself with Wool Competition
The National Make It Yourself with Wool (NMIYWW) competition awards $2,000 and $1,000 scholarships for knitting wool garments. Winners are selected based on the appropriateness to the contestant's lifestyle, coordination of fabric/yarn with garment style and design, contestant's presentation, and creativity. For more information send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:

National Make It Yourself with Wool Competition,
Box 175,
Lavina, MT 59046

David Letterman Telecommunications Scholarship
The David Letterman Scholarship was established by David Letterman in 1985 to provide scholarships for telecommunications students at Ball State University. The awards are intended for average students who nevertheless have a creative mind. Winners are selected primarily based on creativity. Projects may involve a variety of media, including written work, research, audio, video, graphics and film. The winner receives a $10,000 scholarship. The first runner-up receives $5,000. The second runner-up receives $3,333.

Klingon Language Institute Scholarship
The Kor Memorial Scholarship is awarded by the Klingon Language Institute to recognize and encourage scholarship in the field of language study. Familiarity with Klingon or other constructed languages is not required, but creativity is preferred. The $500 award is open to undergraduate and graduate students. Nominations must be submitted by academic department chairs and/or deans. Only one undergraduate student and one graduate student may be nominated by each department chair or dean. The deadline is June 1. For more information, write to:

Klingon Language Institute
Kor Memorial Scholarship
PO Box 634
Flourtown, PA 19031

Gertrude J. Deppen Scholarship
The Gertrude J. Deppen scholarship at Bucknell University in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania is restricted to Bucknell University students demonstrating financial need who have resided in Mount Carmel for 10 years, graduated from Mount Carmel Public High School in Pennsylvania, who are not habitual users of tobacco, intoxicating liquor, and narcotics, and who do not participate in strenuous athletic contests. (It is sometimes referred to as the "unathletic scholarship" in the news media because of the latter restriction.) It was established by Joseph H. Deppen, Class of 1900, in memory of his sister, Class of 1902.

Zolp Scholarships
The Zolp Scholarship is restricted to students at Loyola University in Chicago who are Catholic and whose last name is Zolp. The student's last name must appear on their birth certificate and confirmation certificate. The scholarship provides full tuition for four years.

Other scholarships for students with particular last names include:

* Scarpinato at Texas A&M University. Scholarship pays full cost of attendance at Texas A&M University for anyone whose last name is Scarpinato by birth or marriage.
* Gatling at North Carolina State University. The John Gatling Grant provides scholarships for students who were born with a surname of Gatling or Gatlin to attend NC State University. The scholarship provides up to $9,000 for in-state students and $18,000 for out-of-state students. (There is no known relationship between John Gatling and Richard Jordan Gatling, the inventor of the Gatling machine gun. John Gatling made his fortune as a real estate developer in Raleigh, NC.)
* Harvard University has several scholarships based on the student's last name, including Baxendale, Hudson, Thayer, Downer, Bright.
* Van Valkenburg. The Van Valkenburg Memorial Scholarship awards $1,000 to a descendant (by birth or legal adoption) of Lambert and Annetje Van Valkenburg, who emigrated in 1643. Variations in the surname Van Valkenburg are acceptable, including Van Valkenburg, Van Valkenburgh, Van Volkinburg, Van Falkenburg, Valkenburg, Vollick, and Van Velkinburgh.

Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship
The Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship awards one $5,000 and three $1,000 scholarships to skateboarders who are high school seniors with a GPA of 2.5 or higher on a 4.0 scale. Recipients must enroll as a full-time undergraduate at an accredited college or university the fall after high school graduation. US citizenship is required. The award is given to skateboard activists. The deadline is in late April. For more information visit the web site.

Tupperware Home Parties Scholarship
Tupperware offers a scholarship to independent Tupperware dealers, managers, franchised distributors and their dependent children. The amount of the award varies. The deadline is January 15. For more information, write to:

Tupperware Home Parties
PO Box 2353
Orlando, FL 32802

American Welding Society Scholarships
The American Welding Society Foundation offers several scholarships, fellowships and loans for students enrolled in a welding-related educational or training program. The deadline is March 1. For more information, write to:

AWS Foundation
550 NW Lejeune Road
Miami, FL 33126

Eileen J. Garrett Scholarship
The Eileen J. Garrett Scholarship is restricted to students attending an accredited college or university who are studying the science of parapsychology. The award amount is $3,000. The deadline is July 15. To request an application form send email to Application forms are also available on the web site. The Parapsychology Foundation also offers the Frances P. Bolton Fellowship and the D. Scott Rogo Award.

University of North Carolina at Greensboro
The Alice McArver Ratchford Scholarship is restricted to University of North Carolina at Greensboro students who are female, live on campus, don't own a car, have no other scholarships, have never been married and who demonstrate financial need.

DePauw University
The Icy Frost Bridge Scholarship at DePauw University is restricted to female music students who can sing or play the national anthem with sincerity. Icy's brother, Jack Frost Bridge, is an alumnus of DePauw University.

American Society for Enology and Viticulture
The American Society for Enology and Viticulture awards several scholarships to students studying grapes or winemaking. Candidates must be pursuing a degree in enology, viticulture or other curricula emphasizing a science relevant to the wine and grape industry. The deadline is March 1. Amounts vary. Applications are available on the ASEV web site. For more information, contact:

ASEV Scholarship Committee
PO Box 1855
Davis, CA 95617-1855
Fax: 530-753-3318
Phone: 530-753-3142

Mycological Society of America
The Mycological Society of America offers several graduate fellowships for students who are studying mycology (spores, mold and fungus). Awards include the $500 Backus Award and two $2,000 MSA Graduate Fellowships.

Chick and Sophie Major Memorial Duck Calling Contest
The Chick and Sophie Major Memorial Duck Calling Contest awards a $1,500 scholarship to the winner. The first runner-up receives a $500 scholarship, the second runner-up receives a $300 scholarship and the third runner-up receives a $200 scholarship. The contest is open to any high school senior in the United States who can call ducks. Contestants have 90 seconds to use four calls (hail, feed, comeback and mating).

National Rifle Association Scholarships
The National Rifle Association (NRA) sponsors several scholarships for NRA Junior Members. NRA Junior Members can qualify for the Outstanding Achievement Youth Award for such activities as participating in shooting or hunting clinics, participating in an NRA Postal Match, entering a submissions in the NRA Wildlife Art Contest, and visiting the National Firearms Museum. Recipients of the NRA Youth Award Certificate are eligible for the NRA National Prizes. First place receives $3,500, second place receives $2,500, and third place receives $1,500. Participants in the NRA Youth Education Summit (YES) are also able to compete for the YES Grand Scholarship. The NRA also offers the Jeanne Bray Memorial Scholarship for children of law enforcement officers who are NRA members. For more information, call the NRA Youth Programs Department at 1-703-267-1505, write to NRA Youth Programs Department, Outstanding Achievement Youth Award, 11250 Waples Mill Road, Fairfax, VA 22030 or send email to

Mule Deer Foundation Scholarships
The Dannie Jasmine Scholarship is sponsored by the Mule Deer Foundation, a conservation foundation established to conserve mule and blacktail deer. The Dannie Jasmine Scholarship consists of a $500 award to a student at the Department of Environmental and Resource Sciences at the University of Nevada at Reno. The deadline is June 15. For more information, fax 1-775-322-3421 or write to Mule Deer Foundation, Attn: Dannie Jasmine Scholarship Fund, 1005 Terminal Way, Suite 170, Reno, NV 89502.

National Beef Ambassador Program
The National Beef Ambassador Program is a national public speaking competition for students aged 16 to 19. Winners are selected to represent the beef industry and win college scholarships and cash prizes. The cash prizes include $2,500 (1st place), $1,200 (2nd place) and $800 (3rd place). The scholarships, which are sponsored by the American National Cattlewomen Foundation, include $1,000 (1st place), $750 (2nd place), and $500 (3rd place). For more information, write to American National Cattlewomen, P.O. Box 3881, Englewood, CO 80155.

Vegetarian Resource Group Scholarship
The Vegetarian Resource Group (VRG) offers two $5,000 scholarships each year to graduating US high school seniors who have promoted vegetarianism in their schools and communities. The application requires an essay about how the applicant promoted vegetarianism in their high school or community. The deadline is February 20. Applications are available on the VRG web site. For more information, call 1-410-366-8343, write to The Vegetarian Resource Group, PO Box 1463, Baltimore, MD 21203, or send email to

Coven of the Sacred Waters
The Coven of the Sacred Waters offers two scholarships for Pagan and Wicca students. The Karma Award is a $500 scholarship for Pagans. The Community Service Award is a $400 scholarship. The application deadline is November 30.

Evans Scholars Foundation
The Western Golf Association sponsors the Charles "Chick" Evans Jr. Scholarship for golf caddies. Caddies must be nominated by their club, rank among the top 25 percent of their high school class, have a superior caddie record for two or more years, demonstrate financial need, and have outstanding personal character. More than 200 new Evans Scholars are chosen each year. Another scholarship for golf caddies is the Francis Ouimet Caddie Scholarship.

US Bowling Congress Scholarships
US Bowling Congress sponsors several scholarships for bowlers. The scholarships include:

* USBC Alberta E. Crowe Star of Tomorrow. US/Canadian female high school senior or college student, under age 22, with bowling average of 175 or better. $1,500/year. Deadline October 1.
* USBC Chuck Hall Star of Tomorrow. Male high school or college student. $1,250/year. Deadline November 15.
* USBC Annual Zeb Scholarship. Junior or senior in high school. $1,000. Deadline April 1.
* USBC Male and Female Youth Leaders of the Year. 18 years old or older. $1,500. Deadline January 15.
* USBC Gift for Life Scholarships. Twelve $1,000 scholarships for grades 9-12, based on financial need. Two are reserved for children of fire/police/EMT personnel. Deadline April 1.
* USBC Earl Anthony Memorial Scholarships. Five $5,000 scholarships for high school seniors and college students. Deadline June 1.
* Billy Welu Scholarship. College students. $1,000. Deadline May 31.

In addition, the SMART Program & Scholarships Web site lists more than $6 million in scholarships offered by bowling associations and councils, tournaments and proprietors.

National Marbles Tournament Scholarships
The annual National Marbles Tournament awards $5,000 in scholarships to mibsters (marble shooters) aged 8 to 14. The tournament is held in June each year. The children crowned King and Queen of Marbles each receive a $2,000 scholarship. A $1,000 scholarship is awarded to the boy and girl who win the spontsmanship award. For more information, write to National Marbles Tournament, 811 Roeth Avenue, Cumberland, MD 21502.

Surfrider Foundation Thomas Pratte Memorial Scholarship
The Thomas Pratte Memorial Scholarship is sponsored by the Surfrider Foundation for for students with an interest in coastal environmental science, such as oceanography, marine affairs, environmental sciences, public policy, community planning and natural resources. The Surfrider Foundation is a non-profit environmental organization dedicated to the protection and preservation of the world's waves, oceans and beaches. A total of $10,000 is awarded each year: one $2,000 scholarship for an undergraduate student, one $3,000 fellowship for a master's student, and one $5,000 fellowship for a PhD student. The deadline is March 15. For more information, write to Surfrider Foundation, Attn: Pratte Application, PO Box #6010, San Clemente, CA 92674-6010, or send email to

Other scholarships with a connection to surfing include:

* TJ Stockdale Memorial Scholarship sponsored by the Jersey Shore Chapter of the Surfrider Foundation. $1,000 scholarship for undergraduate and graduate students based on commitment to New Jersey beaches and waves.
* East Coast Surfing Scholarship by the Buddy Pelletier Surfing Foundation.
* National Scholastic Surfing Association.
* Joshua Dean Hall Scholarship. Three $500 scholarships for high school seniors at Huntington Beach High School who are members of the HBHS Surfing Team.
* Eastern Surfing Association Marsh Scholarship. $8,000 scholarship. May 15 deadline.

All-American Apple Pie Recipe Contest
The Culinary Institute of America sponsors an annual All-American Apple Pie Recipe Contest. First prize is a $25,000 scholarship to the Culinary Institute of America. Second and third prizes are $15,000 and $10,000 scholarships. For more information, call 1-800-CULINARY. Other Culinary Institute of America scholarships can be found on their tuition and financial aid web page.

Hood College's Grandma Scholarship
Hood College offers a heritage scholarship in which selected incoming freshmen pay the same first-year tuition as their alumnus parent or grandparent.

Miles "Thank a Professor" Scholarship
The $10,000 Norman A. Miles Scholarship is awarded annually at Rochester Institute of Technology to the junior with the highest GPA. The student, in turn, gets to pick a professor to receive the same amount for professional development.

Hiram College Hal Reichle Memorial Scholarship
Hal Reichle took great pleasure in helping others and would do so secretly and serendipitously. In his memory, family and friends funded a scholarship at Hiram College to reward students for their random acts of kindness. Recipients are chosen on the basis of their humanitarian efforts, community involvement, and volunteerism. There is no application for this scholarship. Instead, the selection committee relies on an army of stealthy observers, the Secret Society of Serendipitous Service to Hal (SSSSH!), to identify students of strong moral character with a spirit of giving and dedication to others.

J.D. Salinger Award
The J.D. Salinger Award at Ursinus College is intended to recognize and support "oddball geniuses" in the field of creative writing. The unconventional award is named after the renowned author of The Catcher in the Rye, who attended Ursinus College in 1938. Besides a four-year scholarship of $25,000 per year, the winner will also get to live in the same dorm room previously occupied by Mr. Salinger. The competition is open to high school seniors. Candidates must be nominated by a high school teacher or guidance counselor for their "quirky brilliance". Recipients are selected on the basis of a portfolio of 10 to 15 pages of creative work in fiction, poetry, creative nonfiction or hybrid genres. Although grades are not weighted as heavily, candidates should be able to achieve admission to Ursinus College (i.e., class rank in the top 25%, GPA of B or better, and SAT score of 1,210 or better). The deadline is November 1.

TAPPI Scholarships
TAPPI awards several scholarships relating to the pulp and papermaking industries. The William L. Cullison Scholarship is open to college sophomores who are interested in pursuing a career in the pulp, paper and converting industry. The scholarship provides $4,000 per year for the last two years of the winner's undergraduate program. The award is tenable at two dozen colleges that have pulp and paper programs or which have TAPPI Student Chapters. The deadline is May 1. The TAPPI web site also lists a variety of other scholarships, ranging from the best paper award to scholarships for corrugated packaging. Most of these awards have a January 31 deadline. For more information, call 1-800-291-3145.

Scholarships for Twins
Colleges that currently offer special scholarships or discounts for twins and triplets include:

* Carl Albert State College in Oklahoma (Paula Nieto Twin Scholarship)
* George Washington University in Washington, DC (50% discount for second sibling)
* Lake Erie College in Painesville, Ohio (each twin gets the scholarship in alternate years)
* Morris Brown College in Atlanta, Georgia
* Northeastern Oklahoma A&M College
* Randolph-Macon Women's College in Lynchburg, VA (15% discount)
* Sterling College in Kansas (50% discount for each twin)
* West Chester University of Pennsylvania (Bonnie Evans Feinberg Scholarship)

Valparaiso University in Indiana previously had a scholarship for twins, where each twin would get a full ride in alternate years and the other was dependent on whatever aid they otherwise qualified for. This program was funded by an alumni set of twins. However, the alumni stopped funding it in the late 1990s.

The Illinois Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. sponsors a scholarship for four parents of multiples in Illinois who are continuing their education.


Sunday, April 08, 2007

What Your Webmail Says about you

Not sure what your e-mail address is saying about you? Check out our handy guide before you embarrass yourself further

You Are: An Aging Hipster

Once upon a time, Microsoft’s Hotmail was the Cadillac of web-based e-mail clients. Comparably streamed down and easy to use, it was the destination of choice for the savvy and well versed. Now, though, the red paint on that Cadillac’s faded a bit, and that soul patch ain’t quite the current accessory it once was. A refusal to change with the times is your trademark, and while Hotmail may now only be known for it’s slow load times, superfluous ads, and easy jokes at the expense of your sexuality, it still remembers the days when it was the coolest thing in town.

You are: A Caveman

Considering, thanks to a series of highly influential car insurance commercials, the current national obsession with all things caveman (I like to call it “ultra-retro”), perhaps this isn’t the best metaphor. However, lets think about it – one day back in ’94, you got a CD in the mail. It said you could get (The) Internet™! Free for the first 98743 hours! So you logged on, figured out how to send an e-mail, maybe even a picture of a horse penis or two, and have refused to evolve past that point ever since. Your modem probably still sounds like a ferret getting neutered every time you log on. Like the Neanderthal, you are destined for digital extinction, and soon all that will be left is a phone line leading into your CPU and your collection of back issues of “Cat Fancy”.

You Are: Al Gore

Just like Al Gore does know, Gmail users know they are better than you. Their houses are carbon neutral. Their cars run on solar power and cat farts. And their e-mail client has over 2,700 MB of space (and growing!) And did we mention the automated message grouping, advanced search strings, and integrated chat function? What? You’re still not using Gmail? Jesus. You might as well just light a baby polar bear on fire and laugh as the smoke from its burning corpse cuts away yet another swath of the ozone layer, you uncaring bastard.

You are: A Bad Father

Hey son, welcome home! Good to- *bzzt* Whoops, excuse me for one second; Daddy has to answer this real quick. No, it’s OK, keep talking; I can listen while I thumb type. Your friend Steve, huh? Getting married, you say? To who? *bzzt* No, it’s fine, I’m listening. To you? Won’t be illegal after one more procedure? *bzzt* Well, that’s just great. Look, Daddy just got sucked into a mean game of “Centipede” so he can’t talk right now. But here’s a blank check. No such thing as enough therapy, am I right? Atta boy.

You are: A platypus.

Yes, it is technically possible to set up your mail so it comes through your AOL Instant Messenger program. Possible in the way it’s possible for a half duck, half beaver creature to exist, lay eggs, and scare the shit out of me when I’m ten years old. But, for the love of God, why? It just seems so damn ass backwards. Did you really start sending using an instant messaging program, and then say, “Hey, this Internet thing can do Electronic Mail, too!” I mean, I guess it’s not a completely impossible way to evolve into the digital world, but it sure is a weird one, you flat-tailed, duck-billed freak.

You Are: A Guy Who Reads Way Too Much GQ

You are a man who knows what he wants. You want the shit you saw in that magazine. Everyday, you see regular schmucks out there that apparently didn’t see things in magazines, doomed to walk around in their average, self-determined schmuck-ness. That’s why you use Yahoo. Doesn’t anybody else read magazines? That shit’s been consistently number one since they, like, built the Internet. Does it work? Good enough, I guess. But hey, who cares! Personal style be damned. Only schmucks use things that aren’t #1.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Romeo and Juliet - Text Message Version

Romeo and Juliet
Text Message Version

--------------------- Act 1 -----------------------

Romeo : R u awake? Want 2 chat?
Juliet: O Rom. Where4 art thou?
Romeo: Outside yr window.
Juliet: Stalker!
Romeo: Had 2 come. feeling jiggy.
Juliet: B careful. My family h8 u.
Romeo: Tell me about it. What about u?
Juliet: 'm up for marriage f u are.. Is tht a bit fwd?
Romeo: No. Yes. No. Oh, dsnt mat-r, 2moro @ 9?
Juliet: Luv U xxxx
Romeo: CU then xxxx

--------------------- Act 2 -----------------------

Friar: Do u?
Juliet: I do
Romeo: I do

--------------------- Act 3 -----------------------

Juliet: Come bck 2 bed. It's the nightingale not the lark.
Romeo: OK
Juliet: !!! I ws wrong !!!. It's the lark. U gotta go. Or die.
Romeo: Damn. I shouldn't hv wasted Tybalt & gt banished.
Juliet: When CU again?
Romeo: Soon. Promise. Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu.
Juliet: Miss u big time.

--------------------- Act 4 -----------------------

Nurse: Yr mum says u have 2 marry Paris!!
Juliet: No way. Yuk yuk yuk. n-e-way, am mard 2 Rom.

--------------------- Act 5 -----------------------

Friar: Really? O no. U wl have 2 take potion that makes u look ded.
Juliet: Gr8.

--------------------- Act 6 -----------------------

Romeo: J-why r u not returning my texts?
Romeo: RUOK? Am abroad but phone still works.
Romeo: TEXT ME!
Batty: Bad news. J dead. Sorry m8.

--------------------- Act 7 -----------------------

Romeo: J-wish u wr able 2 read now poisoning & and climbing
in yr
grave. LUV U Ju xxxx

--------------------- Act 8 -----------------------

Juliet: R-got yr text! Am alive! Ws faking it! Whr RU? Oh...
Friar: Vry bad situation.
Juliet: Nightmare. LUVU2. Always. Dagger.


Monday, April 02, 2007

April Fool pull offs

Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped. (copied from yahoo!news);_ylt=Ageyo2OkMUSpwpqMtzEq2Aes0NUE

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.

-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.