oneliners

Twitter has been great source for oneliners for me. I really love them. Here are some for you all to enjoy:

Man comes home from work & tells his wife: i fired the truck driver Bcuz he allmost ran me over WIFE: i think u should give him 1more Chance

Met my bank manager today. He asked me the quickest way to hospital, so I pushed him in the path of a passing ambulance.

My wife has just delivered twin boys and let me name them.From her reaction, I'm guessing Pete and Repeat wasn't the best choice.

I've noticed, if you're scared of spiders they always turn up in your bedroom. Using that logic.. I'm scared of blonde girls with big boobs

My wife said whatever i get her for her birthday, she will wear. so i'm buying her nothing, it's a win-win situation.