A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their
sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex
felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at
first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased
for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to
go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom
waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British
Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine,
flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found
the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven
days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
INTERNATIONAL CAT RACE
An International Cat Race was held in Washington DC. Qualified cats from all over the world were on the track. Race started and amazingly Ethopian Cat won.... made everyone surprised. Fox 5 News Reporter rushed to the cat and asked him.. How did you make yourself so fit to win the race? Your country's economic is so bad that human don't have enough food to eat, how did you manage to get all your need for the race? The winner replied I wanna talk to u in private if u really insist to know my talent. The winner asked him to turn off the Camera, took the reporter aside and said 'Well my friend don't say this to anyone but I'm not a cat, I'm a Cheetah from Ethopia but my country doesn't have a adequate supply of food, I've not eaten from long time so I look like a cat.
LAUGHTER TIME!!!!
Of Parrots and Priests.
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, an we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can
teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, an we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can
teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
THE UPSIDE OF ANGER
Back again to by very own blog.
They say, frustration is the root cause of anger. So, am I frustrated? Definitely not! I am angry because I am angry and I am angry with myself.
Lately, so much things are happening around me. I am so much consumed in myself and my work that I have not been able to keep up with them. I am falling behind.
Talking to people is also not helping at all. Everybody has got his/her own problems. Well, I am pretty good at suggesting and helping others, but I can't solve my own. When I need help, I don't find anybody around. So, its all alone that I have to face my problems. Does it make me stronger? Or does it push me away from the crowd?
When I was a kid, I used to get angry alot. That used to ventilate all my emotions. Now, as I have grown up, I have submerged myself into this worldly affairs. I cannot directly show how I feel, what I feel and why I feel. I sometimes have to pretend that there is nothing even if there is hell lots of things happening inside me. Now, I can hold my anger. For how long? Sometimes, I just want to shout "Hell! F**k off!! Leave me alone!" or just land my fist on someones face. Those are just fantasies for me now.
But there are some better things happening to me as well. I can use that anger to something else. Fight the depression, show the people what I am really made of, or to just cut them out. So, there is nothing much to worry about. But holding down emotions for long is not that good, is it?
So, I am standing in the middle. The line which separates sanity from insanity, calm from angry and so on. I think I cannot hold myself much on this threshold.
Well, bungee jumping is a pretty good option to ventilate all of my bad feelings.
Mind you guys, I am not feeling depressed. I am never depressed. I am feeling great. Nor even am I in any tension. Sushil doesn't take any tension, gives tension to others.
They say, frustration is the root cause of anger. So, am I frustrated? Definitely not! I am angry because I am angry and I am angry with myself.
Lately, so much things are happening around me. I am so much consumed in myself and my work that I have not been able to keep up with them. I am falling behind.
Talking to people is also not helping at all. Everybody has got his/her own problems. Well, I am pretty good at suggesting and helping others, but I can't solve my own. When I need help, I don't find anybody around. So, its all alone that I have to face my problems. Does it make me stronger? Or does it push me away from the crowd?
When I was a kid, I used to get angry alot. That used to ventilate all my emotions. Now, as I have grown up, I have submerged myself into this worldly affairs. I cannot directly show how I feel, what I feel and why I feel. I sometimes have to pretend that there is nothing even if there is hell lots of things happening inside me. Now, I can hold my anger. For how long? Sometimes, I just want to shout "Hell! F**k off!! Leave me alone!" or just land my fist on someones face. Those are just fantasies for me now.
But there are some better things happening to me as well. I can use that anger to something else. Fight the depression, show the people what I am really made of, or to just cut them out. So, there is nothing much to worry about. But holding down emotions for long is not that good, is it?
So, I am standing in the middle. The line which separates sanity from insanity, calm from angry and so on. I think I cannot hold myself much on this threshold.
Well, bungee jumping is a pretty good option to ventilate all of my bad feelings.
Mind you guys, I am not feeling depressed. I am never depressed. I am feeling great. Nor even am I in any tension. Sushil doesn't take any tension, gives tension to others.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
THIS COUNTRY IS A MESS
There was a case going on in the Royal Commission for Corruption Control regarding the irregularities carried out with the "Prime Minister Relief Fund." The ex-pm Sher Bahadur Deuba et al were charged of mishandling the funds during Dashain last year. The verdict hearing took quite a long time to reach to a decision. Few days back, I read in newspapers that if the Ex-PM and his colleagues are to be charged with mishandling of the fund, then the Vice-Presidents of the current council of Ministers should also be charged of same case as they have taken hefty lump of money from the same fund.
Yesterday was quite a funny day for the people of Nepal and more to the RCCC and the beaurocrats. The Ex-Pm and et al were given clean chit on the case.
This is very very funny from the way I look at it. By giving clean chit, the RCCC has shown its incapability on questioning the current Council of Ministers hence they are nothing more than enuche from my point of view.
Moreover, the first Vice-Chairman of the Council of Ministers is blacklisted by the Nepal Bank for not paying the loan, which is now more than million.
I happen to see jokes everywhere everyday. And I also make jokes sometimes over things. For me, this has been the biggest joke ever. A joke over the ruling system of Nepal, the government, the incapabilities of the commissions created to check corruption, and above all, making joke of all the Nepali citizens.
I now think it is time to hit the streets and ask for complete revolution - from the palace to the peons down on the lane.
I know, and everybody knows, that is a must for Nepal.
While other countries are progressing, Nepal is going back - degressing lets say so. I don't see hope now.
Maybe if I want to survive or live, then I should take the other path - follow the "Palayan wadi Niti."
Yesterday was quite a funny day for the people of Nepal and more to the RCCC and the beaurocrats. The Ex-Pm and et al were given clean chit on the case.
This is very very funny from the way I look at it. By giving clean chit, the RCCC has shown its incapability on questioning the current Council of Ministers hence they are nothing more than enuche from my point of view.
Moreover, the first Vice-Chairman of the Council of Ministers is blacklisted by the Nepal Bank for not paying the loan, which is now more than million.
I happen to see jokes everywhere everyday. And I also make jokes sometimes over things. For me, this has been the biggest joke ever. A joke over the ruling system of Nepal, the government, the incapabilities of the commissions created to check corruption, and above all, making joke of all the Nepali citizens.
I now think it is time to hit the streets and ask for complete revolution - from the palace to the peons down on the lane.
I know, and everybody knows, that is a must for Nepal.
While other countries are progressing, Nepal is going back - degressing lets say so. I don't see hope now.
Maybe if I want to survive or live, then I should take the other path - follow the "Palayan wadi Niti."
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Mr. & Mrs. Smith???? Didn't get a chance to see that movie
This time around, today, I became a fool. Went for the movie but the tickets were all sold out. So, it was just a round trip for the morning with my "friend". That is ok anyway. But to return back from the theatre is very very boring and kind of self humiliation. Well, I became myself a joke, used to make jokes on others sometimes. So here I am, the joke of the day!!!!
Friday, June 24, 2005
What are You Worth?
He asked again, 'Who wants it now?' Still hands went up. 'Well, what if I do this?' He dropped it to the ground and stamped on it and generally got it very grubby indeed. But still people wanted it.
"My friends," he said, "you have learned an important lesson today. No matter what I did, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value, it was still worth the same."
How often have you been dropped, ground down, beaten up, made bad decisions, done wrong things, been mistreated, made to feel worthless? But no matter what happens to you or what you do, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or just well-creased, you are priceless.
-----------------------------------------------------------
This recent posting, I got from Bikash Man Shrestha as his "thought of the day." He has been sending me such quotes for quite sometime. They are very much full of truth and knowledge. I suggest you also subsribe to it by clicking on his name. I'm sure he'll also send you one. If not, plz tell me. I'll forward your message to him.
DOOMED DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN TO STAY
Its very awkward when someone close to you gets suspicious of you even if you haven't done anything wrong. Its all the game of time and coincidence that anything you say and do, by circumstances, means that you never meant or thought about. That is very boring.
This is nothing but shit. When the person's attitude starts giving you problem, he starts pissing you off and thats when you get angry even if you dont' want to. This particular person is a wall of lead 1 m thick. He doesn't want to understand what you want to explain. He has got his own theory and sticks to it. Its very hard to get him out of that box. The real problem with this person is he doesn't speak out his feelings and thoughts.
Trying to explain and help him is surely a job you don't want to do at all.
Hell, this is one of the most difficult times of my life. I don't want to say it but I am really angry and tense about his attitude. He got to change it.
This is nothing but shit. When the person's attitude starts giving you problem, he starts pissing you off and thats when you get angry even if you dont' want to. This particular person is a wall of lead 1 m thick. He doesn't want to understand what you want to explain. He has got his own theory and sticks to it. Its very hard to get him out of that box. The real problem with this person is he doesn't speak out his feelings and thoughts.
Trying to explain and help him is surely a job you don't want to do at all.
Hell, this is one of the most difficult times of my life. I don't want to say it but I am really angry and tense about his attitude. He got to change it.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Real fact about laughing!!!
Back again to laughing!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, its medically proven that laughing helps toning up facial and abdomenal muscles and and also keeps your lungs and heart at pretty steady rate. Thats about the physiological health.
Laughing a lot also keeps your mind afresh. All your worries and problems vanish for sometime when you have a hearty laugh. Besides, there is a way of medication called laughter therapy for healing people emotionally and physically. Its for controlling your anger and your bad emotions. I suggest everyone should try it out. :>
Well, the name "Laughter the best medicine" is not my original creation. When I was school kid, I used to read a famous magazine, "Readers' Digest." Its a good magazine. I suggest you should try it once in a while. In that magazine, there is a regular section called "Laughter the best medicine" which contained jokes. I used to love it. Well, I like the magazine very much. Its a great read but that section was pretty funny. So thats where I got this name.
So join me in this crusade of taking laughter as the best dose of medicine. Don't forget to take your daily dose of laughter - the best medicine of all times.
:>
Well, its medically proven that laughing helps toning up facial and abdomenal muscles and and also keeps your lungs and heart at pretty steady rate. Thats about the physiological health.
Laughing a lot also keeps your mind afresh. All your worries and problems vanish for sometime when you have a hearty laugh. Besides, there is a way of medication called laughter therapy for healing people emotionally and physically. Its for controlling your anger and your bad emotions. I suggest everyone should try it out. :>
Well, the name "Laughter the best medicine" is not my original creation. When I was school kid, I used to read a famous magazine, "Readers' Digest." Its a good magazine. I suggest you should try it once in a while. In that magazine, there is a regular section called "Laughter the best medicine" which contained jokes. I used to love it. Well, I like the magazine very much. Its a great read but that section was pretty funny. So thats where I got this name.
So join me in this crusade of taking laughter as the best dose of medicine. Don't forget to take your daily dose of laughter - the best medicine of all times.
:>
Sunday, June 19, 2005
AM A DAMNED BAD SWIMMER
Well, I had a busy day yesterday. I went to visit my uncles yesterday and then went for a swimming with my friend. The day was hot and humid. I was sweating like hell. The water in the pool looked cool and refreshing. There, I learnt my lesson pretty badly.
Yesterday, I dived in a water body after a 5 year gap. I thought I still knew how to swim. I didn't hesitate at all diving into the pool. Call it my bad luck, I jumped into 6ft depth of water. I just couldn't come up! I was surprised at myself. Luckily I was near the shore. I quickly grabbed the railing and some good fellows passed on their hands to me. I grabbed it quickly and pulled myself up. I just couldn't swim at all.
Anyway, as I had learnt my lesson pretty badly, I knew it wasn't the same as before. I had to take sometime to ease my body. So then, I moved to 5 ft depth and started adapting there. Later in the day, I was able to swim ok. We swam for about an hour. By the end of the day, we both were tired like hell. When coming home in the bus, I felt asleep standing!
Back and home, I didn't have energy to move around at all. I checked my temperature. I had high fever. I took some snacks. I sweat a lot as it was quite hot. Then my temperature came down.
I still haven't recovered fully from my unknown disease. The doctors couldn't diagnose what is happening to me. I have become thinner but am now gaining some weight. :>
Anyway, that was my yesterday's rendezvous with myself. Next time I go swimming, I'll first adapt myself to water and then take swim like hell.
Yesterday, I dived in a water body after a 5 year gap. I thought I still knew how to swim. I didn't hesitate at all diving into the pool. Call it my bad luck, I jumped into 6ft depth of water. I just couldn't come up! I was surprised at myself. Luckily I was near the shore. I quickly grabbed the railing and some good fellows passed on their hands to me. I grabbed it quickly and pulled myself up. I just couldn't swim at all.
Anyway, as I had learnt my lesson pretty badly, I knew it wasn't the same as before. I had to take sometime to ease my body. So then, I moved to 5 ft depth and started adapting there. Later in the day, I was able to swim ok. We swam for about an hour. By the end of the day, we both were tired like hell. When coming home in the bus, I felt asleep standing!
Back and home, I didn't have energy to move around at all. I checked my temperature. I had high fever. I took some snacks. I sweat a lot as it was quite hot. Then my temperature came down.
I still haven't recovered fully from my unknown disease. The doctors couldn't diagnose what is happening to me. I have become thinner but am now gaining some weight. :>
Anyway, that was my yesterday's rendezvous with myself. Next time I go swimming, I'll first adapt myself to water and then take swim like hell.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
LIFE MATHEMATICS!!!!
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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