Friday, February 24, 2006

Am I also conservative???

Am writing this post after a long break. Too many things have changed lately since my last post. Things good and bad (mostly bad), things that have taken some part of me and left me stranded somewhere, making me to think more of myself, what I am or what type of nature I have and many more things like that.

My uncle expired, one of my relatives also expired and I was busy on all those stuffs. I have heard of lots of death lately in my family circle. Since my brother is not here and my dad is not that strong now, I have to take charge of things. I was running here and there on lots of stuffs. I had to become a family member at the same time and even take care of my work here in office. So I was in very difficult situation in last few weeks.

Now, things are changing, settling down but still many things on the run. Its getting difficult for me to catch up all the things. I cannot have all the things on my plate. I cannot digest all of them. I do have to leave something on the plate.

During the same timeline, I encountered something, rather someone who as made me think about what I actually am.

One of my niece, returned from UK. She had gone there with her parents few months back. On her return, she had completely changed (she might have slightly as I wasn't much familiar with her when she was here). She shouts alot but is very sweet. With all her childish innocence (added with a pinkish flavour), she talked with me. She told me about her desires, likes and dislikes and great many things. That was interesting. We even gave her few nicknames during her stay here. She is leaving for UK in few days now.

Well, when she goes, I surely will miss her shouts, her phone calls and her beatings as well. But it doesn't matter, there is always another day.

What made me think was what she said to me. Well, everybody is possessive to his/her children. That maybe the case with me as well. She was talking about her boyfriends and her activities in England. I would also do such things if I get chance and I won't wait to be in UK for that! But when she was talking, I just snapped and said that doing such things are not good, such things don't fit in our culture.

But actually, after a few years' time, will she be a Nepali? I don't think she will speak Nepali at all. She will be a Brit. And all those things will be in her culture.

Thats what I think. So far, I have considered myself as a liberal and progressive. I don't care if my nephews and nieces have boyfriends or girlfriends and what clothes they wear. But deep down in heart, there is something that always keeps banging. What is that part I don't know? Does that thing is the traditional part or the culture in which I grew up? Things don't add up correctly on these issues. I don't know at all.

Anyway, I still need to do alot of thinking over myself - what I actually am and what I want to be. There are still many days ahead of me and great things to do. No time to spend at all.

No comments: