SATIRE FOR BUSH

Becoming environmentally aware.....

Funniest Body Paint

This is the funniest body paint I have ever seen.

Le Divorce

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

Speed Driving Excuse

A man in his 40s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

How to ask Money with Dad

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything i need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ i would love to hear from you.

Love
Your $on
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The Reply
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Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOrs student busy. Do NOt forget that pursuit of kNOwlegde is NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love
Yours Dad

Drinking Again!!!!

I think this one is really really funny. I hope you all like it as well.

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An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

Before it starts

Its joke time again---------------------------



Keith comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.


He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . ."

Keith sighs and says, "It's started . . "

CHILDHOOD DAYS, REVISITED

Everybody remembers his/her childhood days. I don't and don't want to.

Currently, I am reading a book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Coleman. The book talks about different aspects of emotions that people have, their psychological as well as physiological aspects and many other different things. All in all, the book is a good read, and is quite resourcefull indeed. We mostly only focus on intelligence regarding marks in schools, success in career ladder, but never take much care about our own emotions and the feelings of people around us.

There is a chapter on emotional illiteracy. That chapter gave me quite a blow.

After reading that chapter, I have been thinking about my childhood days. I have been thinking about all the stuffs that happened around, all the things are coming back. The way dad behaved with me, things I did with my friends, my friends' attitude towards me and many other things.

I am supposed to be the brightest child in my family. I always scored best marks in school. In college, I was given an award upon completion of our course (it doesn't matter to me at all). I have always focused on my studies, and my career, and I have very few friends. Actually, I don't know how to make friends at all. I cannot continue a relationship for long, it has to break at some point.

Some say, I am very much cold and I don't feel anything. All my life till now, I have focused on studying and building my career. I haven't given a thought on going with my friends, having a steady relationship or anything like that. My dad always made me study hard. I didn't spend my childhood playing outdoors. I have my childhood friend, we used to play sometimes, but it wasn't frequent.

I don't blame my dad for this. It just moulded me up. Now, I don't care about people around me. I am very much selfish and career centred. I don't know what to say when someone cries in front of me. I am just in loss of words.

Through my working years, I have learnt alot from my friends, lets say, the world outside my known turf. I made a quite a few friends, and some intimate friends as well. We discuss great deal of things. That also helped schooling my emotions, I learned how to react, how to console and above all, how to talk.

Now, I am a professional. I talk and meet people most of the time. I do enjoy it. I have now become quite talkative (and drunkard as well). I can describe things in very convincing ways. I can give different scenarios to the same thing. Well, that is what I gained. But sometimes, it is still hard for me to express what I feel. I just want someone to understand how I feel without me telling him/her. I say, eyes show your emotions before your face or body does. So, one should learn to read eyes.

Do you know how it feels to be without a friend for 3 crucial years of your school? And when that period is the time when you become a man from a boy. I still carry that scar with me.

Going Shopping????

A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout counter. The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?" The man replies, "Yes I do." The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?" The man replies, "No, I left it at home." The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog." A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter. The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?" The man replies, "Yes I do." The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?" And the man replies, "No, I left it at home." Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat." A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag. The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey." The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"